I came across this post on my Instagram feed today and every single word resonated with me. Isn't it funny how that happens sometimes? As mothers, we are all so different, and yet we all struggle with the same things.
Looking around right now, I see puzzle pieces scattered throughout the living room, a cluttered kitchen table, and muffin crumbs on the floor even though I just swept and cleaned the entire house earlier this afternoon.
I haven't had a date night with my husband in weeks - or maybe months. I can't even remember, to be honest. Last night, I finally set aside 10 minutes to paint my nails (which I have been meaning to do pretty much all summer) and the coral colored polish is already chipping from doing the dishes this morning. I haven't spent time working on projects for my Etsy shop in far too long, and my "to do" list before Huck arrives is growing longer by the day.
In my defense, we've had a busy summer, with camping almost every weekend since the nice weather hit; and between my freelance work, working outside of the house three days a week, and trying to be the best mommy and wife I can be on top of it all, there doesn't seem to be enough time in the day for much else.
I know that I need to get better about taking time for myself, but pretty much anything and everything I would like to be doing to carve away a few hours of "me" time costs money that I just don't really want to spend right now. Starbucks and Target should really have a voucher program for moms where you can get free drinks and pay Monopoly money for new clothes and unnecessary purchases, no? (Disclaimer: I realize that the mere mention of Target and Starbucks as my destinations of choice for unwinding is a total mom cliche, and I don't even care.)
I know I'm not the only one who feels the guilt whenever I take a few minutes to do something for me. I swear every time I venture out on my own I start feeling homesick for Marleigh as soon as my vehicle leaves the driveway. Is that a part of the "mom" job description somewhere? If so, someone should really edit that sh*t out.
Please don't get me wrong. There is absolutely nothing in the world I love more than spending time with my family. I even usually enjoy cleaning up the clutter of Marleigh's toys after we tuck her into bed at night. It gives me a few minutes to reflect on our days together. Thinking about the way her face gets so serious when she's trying to put her puzzles together and her excitement when she gets them to fit, or the sound of her little voice when she sings "You are my sunshine" a hundred times a day, those are the moments that really fuel my momma heart.
But every once in a while, it would be nice to sit and pay someone else to paint my nails in silence, to people watch with a Venti-anything from Starbucks, or to get away for an afternoon and head straight towards the bulls-eye of that bright red Target sign.
Maybe I should add a line to my to-do list for taking care of me this week. I think I'll stick to my (glue) guns, check the box with the boldest red pen I have, and retreat to my craft room for a couple hours tonight. After I rock Marleigh to sleep and "sing Sunshine" at least three more times, of course.
The best thing about being a mommy, amidst the chaos and clutter, is that no matter how full your head may be with things that need to be done or tiny humans that need to be taken care of, your heart is always, always 10 times fuller.