Hi there! I'm Ned, the garden gnome. I once resided in a lush greenhouse along with my other gnome friends. I was the most pleasant of the garden gnomes on the shelves. My "Welcome" sign is much more appealing than a "Go Away" sign that many of the grumpy-faced gnomes had. I'm less than perfect though, and the whole world can see why. The ground I stand on is, well... half missing. And for that reason alone, the managers of the greenhouse decided that I was only worth half as much as my grumpy counterparts. They placed me on the shelf of misfits and there I sat, waiting for my fate in the heat of the summer.
It seems like a lifetime ago I was picked up off of that "damaged" shelf and taken home to meet my new family. Our first summer together was great, although I was pretty hesitant about it at first. They stuck me in a dark drawer for a few long, bumpy rides -- but each time they brought me out, I got to see beauty unlike anything I've ever experienced before! The humans seemed nice enough. There are three of them altogether. A he-human, a she-human, and a mini-human. Each trip we took, they perched me right outside their steps, so I never felt too lonely... except when they went off on adventures and forgot to bring me with them. I understand, though. Us gnomes aren't exactly the adventurous type. I took it upon myself to guard the home on wheels and did my best to keep outsiders at bay while they were gone.
There was one night when the humans were sleeping that I had a rough go with a raccoon who was insistent upon rummaging through some cans outside the home. I put up a good fight, but he eventually knocked me down, and then it was all over. Thankfully he didn't harm much and went on his way after a few minutes. The next morning, the she-human did her best to wipe the dirt off my face and balance my broken base back on the ground.
We had quite a few great trips together, me and my family. And then, suddenly, the weather started getting pretty cold. They put me back into my dark drawer and I had a feeling that I wasn't going to be seeing the light of day for quite some time. I was right. I don't know exactly how much time had passed. Definitely more than days, probably more like months. I was starting to give up hope. And then just a few days ago, the he-human finally took me out of my drawer! I was thrilled to finally be out of the darkness, though I wasn't greeted with the beauty I was hoping for when he brought me outside. It was windy and freezing and all of this weird white stuff was flying down from the clouds.
The he-human continued bringing the rest of the drawer-inhabitants outside and then placed us neatly into a different enclosure. Bigger, this one. And brighter, too. But still just as cold. I guess they call it a "garage." I don't know what I'm doing in here, but it's quiet and lonely... and did I mention how cold it is? A gnome like me has to be careful in these conditions. My already-chipped base is sensitive to the elements, and my cheeks and nose are already rosy enough. I have no need for frostbite!
About a day after he brought us out of the darkness, I saw the he-human drive away with our home on wheels. I was sad to see it go. I sure hope I'm not stuck in this "garage" forever. Hopefully I will be reporting back soon with more tales of our adventures as a family. I miss the mini-human and my human parents. But most of all, I miss the warmer weather and beautiful views of the mountains.
I will be sure to report back on any new establishments from my new home, the garage.
If you're reading this, please send help! Preferably in the form of a warm blanket and a thimble of hot cocoa.
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