Today, I reached the 15-week mark of pregnancy. I'm still throwing up just about every day, even though "they" say it should have stopped 3 weeks ago. I had a minor-to-medium scale meltdown this past weekend when I woke up feeling great, or so I thought... until I drank a homemade fruit smoothie that lasted in my stomach for approximately 5 minutes before returning back up and into the great depths of the toilet. I cried, and puked, and cried, and cried some more. I thought to myself that I didn't know how much longer I could take this. The sickness. The throwing up. The constant dizziness in my head. I sat and I sulked and I felt sorry for myself for a while.
... And then I looked down at my stomach, and I pictured our beautiful little baby swimming around inside – kicking and moving it's tiny little limbs, listening to my heart beat from inside. And I stopped feeling angry and reminded myself of this amazing blessing.
I think I needed that meltdown. I needed to remember how important it is that I am carrying a miracle with me every day. It's not just me anymore, nor will it ever be again. It's "us" – this little human, me, and Luke – our beautiful little family.
And even if I am sick this entire pregnancy (which I pray to God I'm not), I can and will do it with a happy heart and a smile on my face. Because I know that my sickness is because of our baby. Our creation. And in the end, the reward will be infinitely better than I can even imagine.